Tag Archive: anxiety

When I look back on my life and think about all the things I’ve strived for, I realize that everything I ever sought out was for the accomplishment of a single goal. Peace. I believe that everything we do is done for peace. Our peace of mind. Usually, when we think about peace, we’re thinking about an absence of conflict. What is life without conflict? I’d say life without conflict is a life without change. A life without change is stagnant and not really a life at all. Therefore, without conflict in our lives, we’re not growing, and our lives really are meaningless.

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I’m not a big fan of cooking. I like to cook, but I’m usually intimidated by all of the ingredients necessary to make some of my favorite dishes. I suppose the greatest factor in turning away from making these complex dishes is how they’ll taste if I make a mistake. That, and having to buy a bunch of ingredients to make a dish I only eat on rare occasions. Another factor is how much I don’t like following instructions. I’ve usually been pretty good at putting things together without them, only looking at them if I get stuck. I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older and rely more on following instructions how hard it is to understand the instruction manual. In the case of cooking, there are sometimes things that are assumed knowledge about cooking that I know little or nothing about.

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Trembling in fear,
waves of anxiety
crash, leaving
sweat-soaked sheets-
I know,
You are with me.
I know,
I have the victory.
I know,
the labor, is not
in vain-
The joy,
of the morning,
rushes in, filling
the dark places,
with the light,
of Truth.

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.

John 12:27 (NIV)

So often I think that what we know and what we feel are at war with one another. Even though I know that God is always with me and I know that He works out all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, I still struggle with anxiety. I can read verse after verse about anxiety in the Bible and yet I’m still plagued by it in dizzying doses. I have briefly written about the life-long sleep disorder that God delivered me from in this last year. When I had that issue I took medication for it. Specifically, I took Clonazepam, a drug that is often used to treat anxiety. In the 20+ years that I took that drug, I had so many problems with doctors who didn’t understand my sleep disorder and thought that I took the medication because of anxiety.

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